Squads: Path of the Elites - Beta Reading

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Squads: Path of the Elites - Beta Reading

Post  UF Vishna on Fri Jan 10, 2014 8:03 am

Bringing back an old topic.
Like most of you guys know, me and Spartan have been doing some book writing for a long time now(5-6 years?). You may have read old stories what wrote couple years ago and posted them here. Well, we have made major changes to the storyline and what we wrote in the past, is gone now. We have made a new storyline for Squads, which still has same characters in it, but basically it all happens years before the things we wrote in the old storyline. Little bit like a prologue.

And now we have made some serious progress, comparing to the old times. So what I am asking and offering, is a opportunity to join us as beta readers. Why? We may write and think, that what we write is cool for us, but we need other people's opinions also. So as a pormotion, here is a small piece, a teaser, of what we have been writing. 

If you are interested, post here.

Squads: Path of the Elites

...
When Frank first entered the room he first stood still for a while, reading the file and occasionally throwing some looks towards the man’s way, then back at the file. There was not much in there, except for what he had done and why he was arrested.
A single man had broken in to a government facility, that storages files classified to general population and houses military defence systems. The man had taken out, but not killed the guards on sight, then captured a high access programmer and forced him to let the man inside the drives of the facility. The man then had knocked out the programmer, but not before he had manage to turn the alarm on. The following was a blank as no one knew what he had done inside the room. The report follows that they had sent the first six of the guard with regular firearms to neutralize the threat, but when none of them returned, a special team of ten soldiers entered the area, with automated rifles. The man had taken out seven of them without a weapon, using whatever he could. But as more forces arrived, he had just surrendered. And then they took him into the agency.
They were just staring at each other, before Frank started. “No name, no birth record, no country listed, no mark in the system.” He paused and widened his arms. “I am quite curious as to who you are Mr…?”
                Frank waited a while for an answer, but since none of those seemed to come from the man, he continued himself.
“The silent treatment. Alright. How about this then: You are facing charges about conspiracy and terrorism. My superiors think you are a spy from the other nations. Are they wrong?”
And so, for the first time, the man spoke. “What do you think?”
                Frank was a little surprised by this sudden answer, but gathered himself quickly, not letting his emotions show out on his face.
“I do not know what to think. A single man breaks into a facility only to plant something into the drives and then get out from there. No information downloaded or anything. And then there are your fighting skills. This is not something you pick up randomly from some fight school or something else. You have been trained to be the best of the best. Where did you receive your training?”
For a moment the smug look from the man’s face faded. He looked away from Frank and to a nearby wall, almost as if trying to stare through it. “Somewhere other than here.”
That did not please Frank. “Listen, they will keep you here as long as they get some information out of you. You might as well tell me who you are working for. Whatever they offered it is not worth it now!”
The smug look on the man’s face returned. “You could say, that in a way I am self employed.”
                Frank breathes out heavily and rubs his head again. This conversation was going nowhere. He needed to get something out from him, otherwise the secretary would take over and that would look bad on his reports. Frank decides to bomb the man with questions and see what happens.
“What is your nationality?” he blasted in a rage.
“Don’t have one.” replied the man causally.
Frank did not give up. “Are you a spy!?”
This time the man gave a short, but a straight answer. “No. Not against you anyway.”
It was a start, but Frank needed more. “What did you put into the drives!?” he continued in a futile effort.
                The man just stayed silent and smiled. The look upon Frank’s face seemed nothing short of desperate. But it soon faded as he decides that it was too soon to get anything out from him yet. He would have to wait, let the man stay in the prison for a while. Frank was sure that the man would talk, when he had sat there for some time without anything to do, as he was obviously on some kind of an agenda and eventually he would need to fulfill it. But he could not do it from here. And to get out from there, he would need to give Frank something.
                Frank shook his head slowly, then picked up the files and left the room.
***
                After having waited for two hours, Frank was still sitting outside the interrogation room, waiting. He read through the file again and again, but due to the lack of information, found nothing new from it. To make matters worse, he could see the secretary eyeballing him from across the room, giving notice he was not happy with the progress made so far.
                When the secretary had been eyeballs him for what seemed to the tenth time, Frank decides to try again. He gets up from his chair, slowly puts it back under the table to buy himself some more time and then enters back into the interrogation room.
                The man still sat in the same position as he had two hours ago, not even having moved an inch. When Frank closes the door behind him and turns to look at the man, he finds him staring back at him. However, he seems more serious than before and the small smirk at the corner of his face was gone. That had to be his break. Frank believed it to be a good sign as it probably meant the man was getting impatient. Frank pulls out the chair across the table from the man and sat down, then throws the file open in front of the man.
“I’ve done a little thinking and I think I’ve figured out why you did it.” he says, trying to make it sound as clever as he could.
                The man across the table seems to show signs of surprise but he hides it well and continues in a completely normal voice, when talking to Frank.
“Is that so?” the man said with a voice that seemed to be slightly amused.
                In his mind Frank was almost laughing. He found one thing to communicate with the man. Interest. Frank was sure, the man knew they did not have much against him, but even he cannot let the chance go that maybe they found something.
“Yes.” Frank responded with his most reassuring voice. “You needed a reason to be taken in custody. The reason I do not understand is why do it in a government facility? Were you trying to prove something?”
                The smile on the man’s face returned. Frank pondered if the man was just trying to play him or if Frank had just been completely wrong. However he does not have to wait for long to get an answer.
With no sarcasm in his voice the man replies: “It’s true. I did need to get caught.”
                Now it was Frank’s turn to be surprised, dumbstruck even. He obviously did not expect the man to confirm his wild story. Frank’s surprise could be seen wide across his face and the man continues talking.
 “As I see, you are surprised by this answer, but want to know more.” He leaned forward on his end of the table. “You know what, you have been quite amusing. I think I’ll make a deal with you.”
Frank could see red flags all over this proposal, but it was too sweet to turn down. “Yeah? What would that deal be?”
The man’s smile grew wider as he leaned back in his seat. “An answer for an answer. I ask a question from you and you answer it, then you can have the same from me.”
                Frank thought for a moment before answering. “What could the man have to ask of me? And how could I know he is telling the truth? Perhaps he thinks me to be a man of honour.” Whatever the case, Frank needed to play along in order to get some answer for the secretary.
“Alright.” he responded. “I’ll play your little game. Are you a spy?”
“We both know the answer to that.” the man said with some boredom in his voice.
“This is not going to work if you are not going to give me straight answers.” Frank replied.
The man rolled his eyes. “Fine. No, I am not a spy?”
                That relaxes Frank a little. The man might have been deadly, but at least he did not have friends in high places or in foreign countries.
“Your turn.” Frank responded hesitantly.
                The man looked around for a moment in the room. As he was doing so, Frank noticed a small scar on his neck.
“Are we in the intelligence agency?” he asked.
 “I am not sure I can discuss matters like that.” Truthfully he was not sure if this game was even okay by his superiors, but Frank had to try something.
The man chuckled. “Well then you better go and check with your superiors outside and then come back and give me an answer.”
                The man smiled. Frank knew, he would not give any more answers unless he gave him an answer in return, but Frank might had then violated a few of the agency’s policies by telling him that. None the less, he did not want to go back out and ask the secretary.
“Fine.” he responded reluctantly. “Yes, we are in one.”
                The man still kept smiling, but nodded, indicating that he seemed content with the current answer.
Frank continued with his question. “What were you doing in the facility you broke in?”
“I was looking for information.” The man replied casually.
With anxiety Frank continued. “Did you find it?”
                The man grins but shakes his head, before continuing. Frank’s curiosity showed him, that now he is in control of the situation.
“It is my turn to ask officer.” He said with a grin still on his face.
Frank calmed himself. “Sorry, continue.”
The playful tone, the grin, everything happy in the man’s face faded with his next question.“Is the secretary out there?”
                Suddenly the casualness of the situation faded away and the room was filled with deadly silence. Frank could feel as cold sweat started to run across his back. How could the man know the secretary was out there? Even better, what was he supposed to answer to that question? The man seemed as content as before however. No change of emotion could be read from his face.
                Frank stayed quiet for a while, but before he could even continue, the secretary himself walked in with two other agents. Frank almost jumped back on his chair, but grabbed hold it at the last moment, so he would not fall off. When he looked down at the hands of the agents, all of them had guns in them.
                A certain fear started to grip Frank as he looked back up into the faces of the agents, who he does not recognise as his own. They are far more with a better body build and the look in their eyes is much more colder, almost to as of a killers. He slowly got up from his chair and started moving for the door. However, as he was doing so, the secretary turns to face him, making Frank freeze.
“Agent Frank.” He says in a cold tone. “Your services are no longer required.”
                He shoots Frank in the head before he can even say anything or beg for his life. The body slowly rolls back and moves towards the ground, leaving a bloody trail on the wall and eventually starts to generate a pool of blood on the ground. When the secretary turns back to the man in the suit he does not seem to be even a least bit surprised. Even quite the contrary, he seems to be more relaxed than before.
                The secretary nods to the other two agents to go outside to clean up anyone or anything else who might have seen what happened. Once the agents leave, only the secretary, the man in the suit and the body of Frank remain.
There is a certain anger in the secretaries voice when he begins. “Still so content with yourself are you? Nothing seems to scare you, oh no, quite the contrary, you seem to gain confidence from situations like this, the life threatening ones.”
The man shrugged casually. “These situations have their moments.”
                The secretary only slowly breathes out and takes a seat behind the chair on the other side of the table. He then also puts the gun on the table, right in the middle of it and then searches for something in his pocket. When he finds it, he pulls out a lighter and lights a cigarette. As he starts the smoke, he continues his conversation.
 “I still don’t know who you are, but I guess it really doesn’t matter either.”
                The man shrugs and his smile has turned almost into a grin. With a casual way, like it was any other day talking to a friend, he replied to the secretary:  “No, I suppose it doesn’t.”
                The secretary nods and waits for a moment as he is doing his cigarette, before he continues. “One man, just comes out from nowhere and starts snooping around in the country. I know this is not the first time you’ve got into a facility. You never take anything, sometimes only question some of the engineers and then always leave something untraceable into the files.”
The man looked as smug as ever. “Well we all have our secrets Mr. secretary.”
Even though the secretary did not seem to like the man, he agreed with his statement. “Indeed we do.”
                The secretary waited for a moment longer and then finished his smoke. He threw it on the ground and then put it out by stepping on it. He then looks back to the man, the same coldness in his eyes as the agents before. The man in the suit only smiles back at him.
The secretary was straight forward in his sentence: “Let me tell you how this goes down. I am going to take my gun, put a bullet through your head and bury you somewhere where no one else will ever find you. After all it is not that hard to accomplish with a man who does not seem to exist. But before I do so, you are going to tell me what did you leave into those drives and what did you ask those engineers. You know, since you have nothing to gain or lose anymore.”
                The man looks up at the clock behind the secretary and then back into his face. He smile grows. “I guess the time is close enough for that moment so I could tell you. You see, what I left there is still a matter of secret. Even if you killed me, it would continue on without me. As for the engineers, well I asked what did I need to do to get into a government facility hosting military technology and how I could find the secretary of military defence. I guess I now have both of them.”
...
 

 2014 Kaspar Suurkaev & Oliver Krieger. All rights reserved

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Re: Squads: Path of the Elites - Beta Reading

Post  UF Ezio on Fri Jan 10, 2014 11:17 am

I'd be down for it, the plot is tantalizing enough Razz
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Re: Squads: Path of the Elites - Beta Reading

Post  UF Vishna on Fri Jan 10, 2014 3:24 pm

Check your personal message Ezio.
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Re: Squads: Path of the Elites - Beta Reading

Post  UF OozY on Thu Feb 13, 2014 12:20 am

I would be interested to read more of this if you all continued to wright Very Happy

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Re: Squads: Path of the Elites - Beta Reading

Post  UF Vishna on Thu Feb 13, 2014 3:59 am

Sent info with personal message, Oozy.
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Re: Squads: Path of the Elites - Beta Reading

Post  UF Michael3005 on Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:02 am

I'd love to read it too Very Happy
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